**_Unbearably painful_** > _This month, Kalief Browder started classes at Bronx Community College. But, even now, he thinks about Rikers ... read more

**_Unbearably painful_** > _This month, Kalief Browder started classes at Bronx Community College. But, even now, he thinks about Rikers every day. He says that his flashbacks to that time are becoming more frequent. Almost anything can trigger them. It might be the sight of a police cruiser or something more innocuous. When his mother cooks rice and chili, he says, he can't help remembering the rice and chili he was fed on Rikers, and suddenly, in his mind, he is back in the Bing, recalling how hungry he was all the time, especially at night, when he'd have to wait twelve hours for his nex__t meal._ > > _Even with his friends, things aren't the same. "I'm trying to break out of my shell, but I guess there is no shell. I guess this is just how I am - I'm just quiet and distant," he says. "I don't like being this way, but it's just natural to me now." Every night before he goes to sleep, he checks that every window in the house is locked. When he rides the subway, he often feels terrified. "I might be attacked; I might be robbed," he says. "Because, believe me, in jail you know there's all type of criminal stuff that goes on." No matter how hard he tries, he cannot forget what he saw: inmates stealing from each other, officers attacking teens, blood on the dayroom floor. "Before I went to jail, I didn't know about a lot of stuff, and, now that I'm aware, I'm paranoid," he says. "I feel like I was robbed of my happiness."_ - "Before the Law" (Jennifer Gonnerman); _The New Yorker_ (October 6, 2014). Eight months after this article appeared, Kalief Browder took his own life. He was 22 years old. Created by Julia Willoughby-Nason, Jenner Furst, and Nick Sandow, directed by Furst, and with Shawn "Jay-Z" Carter and Harvey Weinstein serving as executive producers, this six-part documentary tells the almost unbearably tragic story of Kalief Browder, a 16-year-old who was arrested for allegedly stealing a backpack. With his family unable to afford the $900 bail, Browder spent 1,111 days in Rikers, despite never being convicted of a crime. Turning down nine plea deals, Browder refused to admit to something he didn't do just so he could go home. With his case brought to court and delayed multiple times, Browder spent over 800 days in solitary confinement, where his mental health rapidly deteriorated. Indeed, the episodes dealing with his time in Rikers, and the experience and effects of long-term solitary confinement, are almost too horrific to bear. Were this fiction, the litany of abuses he suffers, and the details of how the system failed him, would be rejected as ridiculous, with his nightmare continuing even upon his release; in two separate incidents, he was shot and stabbed, and was later sectioned, as he became increasingly paranoid and unstable. Telling the parallel story of the anguish of his doting mother, if I had one criticism, it would be that the narrative is stretched too thin. Much like Ryan White's _The Keepers_ (2017), there isn't enough material here to warrant this many episodes, and it does lapse into repetition at times. Nevertheless, this is harrowing stuff; highly recommended.